I don't love them deeply
The feeling came when watching ther movie " Pacificer ", I am not sure how it fill my heart, but I reflected to the past 2 months and knows that I didn't pay full attending, decent time and sincere caring to the people who worked with me in the office; I am not in the position to play the decent role of " Father ", consult, care, think, share, couch and join them hand in hand to solve the problems and difficulites occurers after the reengineering of the company; I can't be this way, as the leader of the company, I spending too much of my time dealing with my own agenda, spending too much time accompany with my wife and in a sense hide away from the obstacles happened in the office -- to draw the conculsion for this, I didn't love them ( my colleage, my job, my work, my company ) deeply enough; as I wrap up the first consutation report to EZfly, the first finding is top management didn't spending decent time with employee physically, the mirrow reflection to my situation today, am I trap in the same loop?
Had a second thought about " Determination " - I gave it my intepretation which is " Drawing a clear line in your heart ", this is about my own company initative, if Jean didn't favor with my proposal, then I will and should go my own way, as long as I know how to draw the line.
Why I hated to be controlled? as new Chairman of Taiwan operation heaveling get involved in my operation even through I am not report to him, this gentelman came from Japan seems to be very micro management and love to be in control. the answer arrived last night, I've been automony in operation for too long, past 4 years, there's almost zero interruption in my decision making, or simply because I didn't make lot of decision but to delegate it to COO, maybe all the communication was done by the COO level and he spend decent time communicate with our counter part in Tokyo already, working in multi-national corporation, there no way to skip the monitering system and reporting cycle, I shall change my mind and adapt the new paradigm shift.
Now I know the movie of boxer : Million Dollars Baby. the movie we went last night were excellent. second run movie even better than first run, bigger screen, cheaper price, causal ambient.. a good time killing habit; the question is : Do I have casual time to kill? am I too easy to myself?
The CEO chat for May should publish today.
My dreams last night
That was good dreams, I dreamt of publishing 2 books in one day, one fiction novel - most of them essays dealing with life / living / wondering around ( See, how clear the picture was ), the other one is a non-fiction book ( well, I can't pin-point what subject it covered ), the good part is not how I excited about the books, but the angle came along all day to celebrate her joyful feeling together with me, It rains cats and dogs, but we went for for a mini lunch -- for celebration of coures; it was great; what left from my memories is the cover of the books - one is hard cover with key in the inner cover page, between charpers, illustration and painting colours my book; I love it, if my memories clear still, I close my eye and feel the hard cover is in red color with golden striple lines as dressing lace.
YPO chapter chariman gratitude lunch held yesterday in one of the cozy restaurant - Joyce East; good food, wine and music; B. and his wife spend decent time to arrange it, the turn out is close to 70, almost doube the regular YPO activity; they don't count the budget, but care about the turn out - this is sort of " Face " issue, I don't know; sitting next to G. a lonely guy and a new member who suffer from the scandle a few months before; he is happy that I can share time with him and go over topics cover our mutual interest, I am happy to half way convince him Kororo can be the idea partner in handing the Hu-Lian resort hotel promotion activity; a bonus to the lunch. Chat with C. - our senior Forum brother and get to learn that A. disclose his departing plan with him already, he said : working in multi-national company is like that, well , I had to admit that I might be the next one following A.'s foot print.
Another professional manager H. who join the YPO after me - a reletivly new member so to speak, we cross for 10 minitues and he dump a lot of working pressure on me - The noise-depression sydrome, the unbalanced work / life, never ending task and to do's , he said that he missed the days while working in multi-national company, you can spilt your private and professional time easily and handle diary operation in a easy fashion; Owoo -- this one have much bigger problem than me, I am lucky not to entering his big worries; I am not sure how to make a comparison with him : in terms of workload, in terms of management scale or in terms of the stress level; but I am happy; happy that I can still breath the flesh air, enjoy my life, with a happy family.
Life ain't easy. but, you can choose you way to face it while you can.
accidentally met the god mother of entertainment G. at Joyce East.. hard to explain who she is - chemelone, maybe. she came and greeting to me; ped my shoulder and that's it.............. strange feeling, right.
