Cloud and Moon
「Move away the cloud, you see the moon」, this is the old Chinese saying, and it reflect to my nood this afternoon; C. send me a short message , asked if we may see each other by noon; as we had a pre-scheduled meeting by 4:00 pm, I understand there's must be some scheduling change. reponse with an OK sms. I attended the regular ping pong session, win some game, take a shower and run for the meeing.
we were honestly express the concern in our heart; this is the prerequisite to be qualified as partner; she didn't want to talk about it in the begining, but I did, I don't want the ambiguity flows for too long, as I made up my mind already, there's no turning back for me, I must obsorb what in her mind before my next move; there she told me 2 gap , or maybe even more , one is the K.'s situraiton, she could not accept the investoment have to swallow the deficit , as it was not a decision jointly made together with me. then the gap about ecomony situation and social experienct, especially in running a company instead a Cafe'; I told her my feeling when hearing her uncertainty about the partership, I was frustrated , in deep depress as if I asked anyone I know to invest me, the premium can easilly multiple by 3 or 5, but I've been so fair to her , only for the par value. this is what I feeling bad. I really need to communicate with her in such a honest manner, as I don't want to lose this friend. no manner we establishing the partnership or not.
C. said this is an emotional release and sharing with me. what stand in front of her is not the future partner, but she will make up her mind with her brain, but not her heart. she will take 4 days holiday with Pony - her husband , then tell me what she think
Watching Cinderella Man tonight, both me and my wife love this film, it's touching, it's encourging, and it reflect certain level of where I am now; the brave man conquer his fear , thanks for his responsibility to the family and the value of hopeless Amercians in the Big Depression, fight on the ring is his profession, as least , he said " I know who's beating me " to compare with other unknown enemy such as hungry, jobless, he feels more comfortable. this is a dramatic build up movie, the boxing scence was shot in a very dramatic approach, I love it and concider this will be one of the big winner in coming Acdemy awards.
By 6:00 , C. send me a message mentioned how lucky we can share almost everything, and wish to keep it that way, I feel relief, as I share the same either.
The only regret for the day is the MIB seminar - Music In Business; no point to design such a seminar as there's no real value we can bring to the students at the seminar.
An idea of " 100 days Before regination- the story of a CEO ", mayby I can trade for some pocket money.
Change in the first place
The decided to assign the other Japanese expatrait to response for P AND L, I don't really know what's the meaning of " Response for P/L ", as every Japanese expatrait is one assinment base, no matter the perofrmance is good or bad, the final stage is to return to home country, it doesn't like local executive, the result will direct impact on his or her renew employeement in the company.I am fine with the new arrangement, to assign 2 major business unit to his supervision and move marketing function under him is a good " house keeping " for me, at least, I can dispose much time to think about my own, I can't think too much about how other local director feel and I decided to release my responsiblity from the company.They asked me to report on the re-vised operaitonal budget again with new Chairman, I am fine with that also, roughly estimate, the deficit gap will increase another 25 millions NT, making FY05 the total negative increase to 80 millions NT. the ugly will come , hopefully, it arrived after my deperture.C.'s breakfast meeting allmost a fresh one, come up with a few idea, the animation musical is one thing worth tring, as it can be controled, music jingle flash for 3G is another development which I think can be done.Lu introduce one China company ONTIME, she strogerly recommend us to find the strategic nitch to work with. I am thinking of going over for the talk.Helping educational committee brain stroming next year's program - the unforgetable experience is the theme coming up form the officer, people through out lot of ideas, and I am surprise to know the "OUCHI " marketing is Tynold's current cool event, what an coincident and I am really proud of my " instint "attending EC mall party at KTV, I stayed for 40 minutes, our employee really enjoy Karoloka, they sing and drink and living the life with no " sense of risk ", this is a strange feeling. it recall the song by " The Doors" - People are stranger when you are stranger.
Not a shot, but Heartache
The devleopment of side project hit another big rock last night; before going detail, I would like to quote what I see this morning , it said:「『Life』is what happend exclude inyour plan」, this is so true, you plan everything and then what happend beyoud your imagination is what we called " Live ".Met with Ben for lunch after the great " Ond day role swap " session conduction by CRM ( our call center ), I asked how to handle C. as the future shareholder and how to make everything fair to the game. there's 3 rules for inviting new investor - with book value ( this is the worst thing ), par value ( this is a fair-favore situation ) and premium value ( this is the increamental situation to purly money injection ), some special stock can be arranged to faove the new investor as well. I think I got the answer already and happily deliver the " See you and share " message to C. she is trapped in the governmental issus again and fail to meet up.C. called by 10:30 pm last night, I explained to her the situation and express my feeling toward how to handle Kororo, I am not sure if my explaniantion win her turst, but there's a reluctant of par value invitaion, as I can sense it. I am feeling so bad, to partner and to drop from current jobare 2 things. Maybe I am too naive to mix it up and orally express my intention of leave to A. and the determination is depending on working together as partner in near future with C. How come when the difficult decision made, it seem she will pull away ? share my inner feeling with wife, she share the same and said this is the worst day in my life - well, I am not sure, what can be sure is I should re-consider how to be my own and work my own way. you can't really counting on someone else.Too many alternative before, when consolidate them and firming go my own way, then the incidental thing happy, I have to walk alone, but what bothers? do my own thing, try my own way and be my own boss.C. called in the morning, there are too much unspoken feelings. I invited her for a house keeping gathering after the seminar tomorrow. this is an open endling to everything. I am fine, I am really fine.What a day.
My briefing to Minister of NYC
5 pm on Sep. 21 - the 6th annuversly of 921 earth quake, I had an appointment with Minister of Natioanal Youth Commision ( NYC - I love it as this is New York City ) for briefing the International Youth Travel, to pisitioning and to provide a strategic thinking for high ranking govenment official, this is not the first time, but a very importanat milestone for such a personal development, for my own sake, for side project and for whatever reason supporting me.
Youth Power represented the " Brigh Hope " and ' Future " for a country in miserable situation. to capitalize youth will inject the power to the next administration, I am provideing a very strong weapon to them - to use what the youth recongnized and to form the new plaform of value.
as one thing develop today - if theres' no value-added process, the value will not easy to be packaged. this is why I need Kororo and this is why the government need an " Underline" to support their policy, even more, if the policy formation is not limited to ideology and it can link with industry, then everything will be so different and this is why I can play a vital role in this strategic position, and to enrich the niche I discovered.
Cheng is young and with clever mind. she knows and I am planning to help her " Own " somthing, this is a good business so to speak; Doing Good by doing well. isn't it a great thing to do?
Yang will go through another Kimotheraphy on 27th, she is really suffer from the physical pains, my message means something to her, and I will continue to do so.
Re-publish
3 stiches on the forehead; Sound broke his head last night at Forest School, accorinding to the teacher, he is rushing to get his water can then hit the tree with sharp angle. they sent him to Chung - Shao Hospital; I received the emergency call in regard to Sound's accident in the car, together with A. the ambassdor from Tokyo who lead me to the door of ISP and be my supporter for last 5 years; I was planning to deliver the regination message to him at the dinner;.It was 7 pm, the accidenct of Sound is the sign of " Breaking Up, the coincedent bringing me and my son together, he knew that I am giong to make a life time decision - a Man's second life - his career. I don't have a doubt in my heart, I don't reluctant to speak out.It was 20 minutes pass 8 pm, after the bio-break, I take the chace to talk to my wife before sending the message. A. was shocked, he was knocked out by this surprise, I am firmly express my decision, this is truly the reserve reaction to me; Supposely, I thought I am the man walking to the execution room; but then I realized I am the judge at the court deliver my verdict and annouce the death of the company... this abnormal value propostion shock me as well.I was calm, so calm, I even comfort A. not to feel sad, he didn't agree with my day of announcement - Nov. 10, but he fulling receive my message.Arrving home by 10:00, Wife pick up Sound at the school and returned by 10:30 pm, Sound remove his bandid, looking at the mirrow and shout - he don't like the stiched and don't like the scar in his forehead, the little heart is in great panic, his mother comfort him, take him for bath and accompany him unitl 1:30 am. at the same time, I am working on the Internaional Youth Travel Strategic powe point.My wife said to me, the first glace she greeting Sound at shcool, he wisper upon her ear and murmured : Mother, Please don't cry.... I am cring in my heart now. we share the same blood. this is my son.
The Break Up song
3 stiches on the forehead; Sound broke his head last night at Forest School, accorinding to the teacher, he is rushing to get his water can then hit the tree with sharp angle. they sent him to Chung - Shao Hospital; I received the emergency call in regard to Sound's accident in the car, together with A. the ambassdor from Tokyo who lead me to the door of ISP and be my supporter for last 5 years; I was planning to deliver the regination message to him at the dinner;.
It was 7 pm, the accidenct of Sound is the sign of " Breaking Up, the coincedent bringing me and my son together, he knew that I am giong to make a life time decision - a Man's second life - his career. I don't have a doubt in my heart, I don't reluctant to speak out.
It was 20 minutes pass 8 pm, after the bio-break, I take the chace to talk to my wife before sending the message. A. was shocked, he was knocked out by this surprise, I am firmly express my decision, this is truly the reserve reaction to me; Supposely, I thought I am the man walking to the execution room; but then I realized I am the judge at the court deliver my verdict and annouce the death of the company... this abnormal value propostion shock me as well.
I was calm, so calm, I even comfort A. not to feel sad, he didn't agree with my day of announcement - Nov. 10, but he fulling receive my message.
Arrving home by 10:00, Wife pick up Sound at the school and returned by 10:30 pm, Sound remove his bandid, looking at the mirrow and shout - he don't like the stiched and don't like the scar in his forehead, the little heart is in great panic, his mother comfort him, take him for bath and accompany him unitl 1:30 am. at the same time, I am working on the Internaional Youth Travel Strategic powe point.
My wife said to me, the first glace she greeting Sound at shcool, he wisper upon her ear and murmured : Mother, Please don't cry.... I am cring in my heart now. we share the same blood. this is my son.
Shoot at the head
A awkurd and funny intepretation, I had such an idea to compare what I am going to do today to someone on his way to the electricy chair; the " Dead Man walking " tradition in Taiwan is treat the death prisoner a good meal the night before the execution day; normally, we will see ( from the jail or some TV footage ) they offer strew egg; fat pork and other food, the food will accompany with alcohal as well.
Last night, when having my shrimp at Circle night market, I had such a feeling, is it my last meal before the execution ? I joke to myself and have the portion exceed my capacity, wife is nice to me, she use her wigge wisdom, seduce me to taste 2 different kind of shrimps. I love it. and the Taiwanese Curry Rice Bowl. then the traditional Herbal Tea - the ice cold taste of mint; we were lucky to find a parking space - a free parking space in the area of night market, this is something usual, having good food, seeing young beauty strolling in the night market, we drive our car back, the wrong direction force us to take a right turn back, when seeing the stree name, I urge my wife not to take the right turn, go straight to next cross road, she asked why, well, this is supersitition ; the streen sign is " Ping Yang Street ", if you know litte literature or slang about Chinese, you will know Ping Yang means the plain ground, before the Ping Yang, normally we will say " When a tiger exile to the plain ground, even the dog will give him hardship ". this is why I asked my wife not to take this right turn to " Ping Yang " street, as it match my situation, I don't want it happen exactly as the street imply.
Going home, I proposed to see the moon at our top floor flat , the moon was so bright, it looks like a big lighting bulb. early Autum wind blows strong, my wife feels a bit chilly, I am falling asleep then, I enjoy watch the stars from our roof top and the sky is so clear.
This morning, when recap the feeling of " Death Sentence ", I changed my mind, as I am responsible for what I am doing . the echo to my heart is " Go your Own way " even you don't know what to do, at least the voice inside tell you " Not to do this ". finding my own destination , this is not the end of the day, be postive, be proactive and be the man.
Do it again and again
I lost 2 blog on last Sunday, that's a recap for the busy week and the experience encounted during the period. I am not sure where I can memories is again. but as the ancien Greek philophoper said : Speak is the trun power, it's for Memory, but writing material if trival, it's for bringing back the old memory.
I can hardly recall what I wrote on Sunday, what left is I am been busy in the intruding of new thing, the task before setting up Side Project. working on varies project related to government, the level of uncertainty is so high, even up till now, I can't be sure what will be paid off and what task we can manage and handle. C. tried very hard to secure information, but information itself doesn't reflect to the project or the business. it's like lost in somewhere and try to picking up the pieces. I am in a midst of nowhere. maybe wife is right, we need an office, for the purpose of settle down, have a central home out of hom , a place people can really stay and leave something there. this is not like in the K-study center, you can't leave your personal belongs, you must take everything out, to wipe our all the know and unknown before any discussion.
Went to the cult movie- NOPOLAN, the fourmla of confrontation in againt the domination, I love it , how German equip with the courage to shooting a film related to a bad history - the trauman in WW2 and how young German hold it's belive of Hitler, - a believe which again humality and the grow ups.... I enjoy it very much.
Today, A little of scaring , for doing nothing in a day, I am worried about nothing to do in the beginning of new company, I must secure a few project before leaving here, the tense is high and there's no way to run. the only game to stay is " Win ".
I am afraid what I think will swallow my confidence - as this is for survial, not for devleoping, I really afraid the pragmatic situation will eat out all the ambitious about enpretrinure, for big heart. I must draft a plan to defend agian. this is the last and only chance in life.
if I can't publish this, then I will be very every angry.
I lost my blog again
I hate it happen again, summarise below:
1. busy for a week for new determination, really time and energy consuming.
2. went to NOPOLAN, a cult moive I enjoy with the formula and element trigger me.
3. lean how to leave a simple life, taking MRT, wife consider not to buy any Brand cloth.
4. next week all the vocie inside will become the Sound outside and the chain reaction will commence then.
It feel like a month
The plan for starting my own company wasn't clear until Sep. 8, but it seems like one month pass, been busy in many things but involved heavily in government consultant, I don't have solid background in this area, I can only follow the map draw by C. and walked carefully, but as there's no co-worker on this new development, it's quite time and energe consuming. but this is fine.
The sycological development in the family and myself is generally grow, I learned how to take MRT to anywhere I want to be, yes, I do enjoy the MRT ride, in a casual mood, and learn not to spending too much money on non-necessary materials, wife laughed and said to me, she will neve got chance to by branding cloths such as : Prada, she can only buy new cloth from night market, I return with another laugh, why should we think so negtive? this is only the beginning, no point to look bad although we can sense this is a difficult beginning.
Went to Nopolan - the German movie last night, I love this one, it is identical to another German movie I went before - " The Evil " Nopolan is telling the story happen in 1942, at the World War 2, when Hitler plan his ambition of dominate the world, he cherry pick young boy to a national training school for so called " Leader in the future ", how the education system conflict with human nature, especially agian some good heart student, well, this is where the confrontation come from ,. the dramatic scence and the human touch, I enjoy this kind of movie, not a man-approach, my wife weep almost for half of the show. this is a great one. I am impressed about the German, they are systematic, Machaincal and organized, but they had the courage to reflect what they did during the WW2, compare with Japan, a heaven and hell distiglish. Young Boy, Friendship, Hardship, Blood and Fight , these are the element making NOPOLAN the cult movie someone enjoy - like me.
Next week is the week for fixing all the problem, and this is the week I want to release myself to me. the voice ane echo to my deep soul will become the ture voice. and then, the chain reaction will commence.
