My 17th Wedding Aniversally
This might be the unforgatable one, as I am feeling very depressed in the morning of 28th, I decided to cancel all the meeting and appointment, calling my wife at home, asked her accompany me for the wedding aniversally and explained to her I am feeling bad this morning, even I wrote my blog and stated what she advised me the night before, but the depress just can't go away, I need to take half day break before I go insane; this is the strong message urge me to call the day off.in the morning, fixing organization chart and inform division director about the change, the chemical reaction were not spread yet, they only obsorb this message, but not in the mood to digest what's going on, as this transition to K. for business P/L responsibility is a dramatic change happened in a few days, it may bring some shock to them, but I feel much better and someone will take the responsibilty for the company and K. seems to enjoy it very much. to show my sincere gratitude, I offer him the COO office which were partly renovated as Chairman's office, he is quick also, not only take it for granted but pull out his wish list of new Head of EG, a guy from HK who he worked before, although the cost of hiring him is higher than in Taipei, but it the pay off is the itimacy and skill, then I should not be the rock in the middle of the road, especially in this bumble road. when deliver the short message to most of the director and direct report, I am kind of concider wrote me a letter of " Time to say Good-bye ", maybe such a physical change in the working environment will force me to look forward without hesitating in doing my own thing.Leaving office by 1:00 pm, met up with my wife at her health club, she's been swimming for like 5 years with my perk, the valid date is 2007, my family still enjoy another 2 years of benefit as long as we pay the monthly due. ( 5000 NT ), I am hungry for the Cantonese sauage, so, buy on lunch box in the neighberhood and eat in the car, I brough 10 rock CD with me, another tool to relief me from the depress - Rock and Metal music, wife want to have a Starbuck coffee before our Northern Coastline Tour - I want to see the sea, feel the blue and get rid of my blue. this time, we are absolutely right , take Freeway Number one, exit at RuinFeng and access to the Northern Coast Highway, the Rock Music and The Rock mountain with the blue sea, we feel much better, wife told me the worst scenario is to savfe half a millions for running a noodle house - we can still making a living, but can't seed the mind of retiring. we visit GaungLiao, Auodi , Fulong and on our way back, having a seafood dinner as our anniverally feast.I love my wife, when I told her I am not in the mood of doing anything, I am lost somewhere and no motivation of creativity, she response with : It doesn't matter to get lost for a day, do nothing is fine for the day, you just follow your heart. My true love, again , perform as my bias supporter.The concept of releasing books togetrher with Professor Chung or to create a Reading Society one in a month with the big shot and utilize the event a media / publishing vehical may benefit for me as well. how about " What Elite Read for the month and why ? " I may leverage from that.Today, no matter how bad my situation is, I need to provide my professional expertise and to do the presentation in a way. so, beat it.
This is the worst day so far
I am too naive to image that the release of my regination to A. is a journey of determination and a way to get rid of the monkey on my back; waiting for my wife return from Sports Club last night, I am eager to share my day with her, she is somewhat a sychotrist to me; she returned home by 11:00 pm, I can't wait to tell her what a terrible day I've through.Her response is honest and straight forward,. she is like a mirrow to me and advise me :1. Do not complain to myself: she's been listening to my complain for too long, no matter what reason cause me to regine, there's no point to self-complain, looking into the future, take a positive attitude and be brighter.2. Determination : there's no turning back, don't question about the decision I made, even I stay for another 6 month, I will be totally stripped by next March, that will be a truly ugly situation.3. Proactive in what you plan to do : never withdraw in the project I receive now, even I am not familar , or even incapable to handle, I should keep the attitude of " Trying to do it better " instead of " Giving it up " simply because I am not familar with.4. Feel luck : if this happen 2 years ago, there won't be any support, now I had friend who willing to join us, and good buddy at Forum, they will support me in certain degree. but I must feel I had a better position than anyone else.5. Don't release the pity look : when talking with others and inviting to share what I am going to do, never shed the fear / scare / panic posture, people will look down to you.6. Don't Panic : when you are panic, you loose focus and you don't produce the juice of creativity, and you don't know what to do next, you are dysfuntional. pick it up. step by step.we talked for a hour until Sep. 28, our 18th wedding anniversary, I want to celebrate, but my mind and soul wan't there, how to bring back the confidence in me is a big question to me. Determination and Decisive are the keys lead me to next door. cutting all the side way, I must go my own and stop complaining and feel self-pity any more.Yesterday afternoon, when contact with K. and notice there's no improvment in the International Youth Travel multi-media film, I really feel hopeless, I don't know how to begin with as I know nothing about the " Productions ", K. is expecting me provide the theme / guideline before execution, the time is running out and I don't even know where to start. C. is on vacation, the communication gap cause this " Moving nowhere " trap, and the idea of giving it up grows. I circling in my office just like the ant running on the hot pot, going nowhere and do nothing, the chilly feeling hit me and I am like an idot; the first time, I guess, I am feeling like a fool and incapable to deliver this mission. is it the sympton of stree or depress? I can't tell, but you begin to shake and you are totally empty in your head. it keep for as long as a hour before I went for the Group company meeting.Lunch with Professor Chuang, I send him the message of my decision, he encourge me and told me, " Not prepare enough " isn't a sin as a lot of people doing thing without decent prepartion, I told him I don't really know what to do, but only know " I don't want to do this ", he seems happy with my expression. Professor advise me to take a rest - maybe scuver diving or take a few days off somewhere; he told me " Discontinue " will bring me new engery, take a precious moment to examine " Uncertainty " in life. I need support from friend and teacher like him.A big quarrel with a head of sister company, he send me a strong mail and challenge our reaction toward their way of hanlding one critical brand rescure project. I am tougher than he think, he withdraw and apology, everyone had his stand, he should not take such a high postion. I belive this is not an emotional reaction and not an exit to what I feel yesterday.
Living everyday bright
Headline for the day is a famous sychatrist commit suicide yesterday at his clinic; a depressed doctor who consult others can't getting over his own trouble and ending his life at the age of 36; well, this is a shock to a lot of people, as this doctor is so famous as his client / patient are celebrities so to speak. his death means something to the sick society, someone accuse the tabololid weekly magazine " The Next Weekly " and the world of survilience is what we are today, the itimacy / privacy / chain of relation changed a lot, extention of people's life ( The Cycle ) may not be a good thing for weak person, as they may suffer more, longer and tougher than normal life.Yang will begin her second or third Kimotheraphy today, sending her SMS as usual and adddress how improtant " Empathy " is and why I think it's higher up than " Thempathy ", I told her the encourgement I send re-direct to me and make me feel much stronger then before, this is the power of empathy.Feeling so tired last night, don't want to do anything, just want to be a coach potato - actually I did, watching CSI-Miami for 2 hours and go to bad right after that, lying on bad and can't sleep, the whilepool of " What to do?" and " Doing What ?" circling around. Living a quality life depend on a few thing, money is imperatively important, I think my wife is worried about our future, I can tell.
Lack of sleep and lack of energy
Maybe I am having too much nap yesterday afternoon, it's like 2 more hours in the afternoon, after the exhausted tag of war with Sound for removing the stiches on his forehead; we spend more than 2 hours discussing on what's pain and how to handle his 3 stiched, the back and forth turn the doctor upset, even thought he is a nice person also a good friend of mine, but he lose his patient as well, I decided to take the third road, or the third solution, neither Sound win nor I win; this is why the process took much longer than anyone can image. the lesson we experience did shock the Doctor change, he really impressed by my patient and the way I conduct this session. I don't really know where my patient came from, maybe this is another father nature.sleep for 2 hours, a luxury nap in the Sunday afternoon, I didn't know it killed my night, I can't go to sleep by 2 or 3 in the morning.Wake up for the mangers' meeting, lunch with W. - anothe rich guy and M. who introduce us in the first place and haveing the hook up lunch, W. talked a lot about buying a big house, something like spending 80 million for the house exclude the renovation, M. favor his topic and talking something meaning less, the only thing we can share is the MOGA - a Japanese Italian restaurant, the pasty and pizza are good, my only harvest for the lunch.Run for NYC meeting , receiving call from S. who never giving up his idea of convincing me to join his company, I don't want to be caged again. F. my driver is too stubbon, drove me back to the office without asking me where to go after the lunch, neve mind, this is not his faught. after the Ilha Formosa Music festavial committe meeting, I stayed for presenting the International Youth Travel strategy. too much trivial staff fill my day, I can hardly catch up what to do next.Sommon HR manager for the new organization chart preparing, I can tell that she is a little bit uncomfortable about the change can sense some unsusual atmostphere as well, I have not time to expained but wish the trasistion can be process as smooth as possible.Planing to record the 100 days before leaving a company - the last episod for " Diary of CEO ", see if time is on my side.
